For the past ten minutes I've tried to sum up my feelings and write a coherent post, but I have ultimately failed to do so. it was going to be about sexism, and how difficult it is to be a girl and mold yourself to fit society's expectations and the double standard and all that.

But maybe my brain just farted too much.

Cuz really- to grow up female in America, or the world for that matter, is to grow up a wave of contradictions. It is to be immersed in a culture of confusion, self loathing, impossible waist lines.

It is very difficult to write exactly how one's sex has so affected them; since afterall, I came to the conclusion a year ago that whether i knew it or not, almost every aspect of my life has been effected (affected? IDK, I'm sleepy) by my gender. How I look at myself, how I look at others, how I behave.

It's cuz I'm the age that I am, that I am suddenly aware of how silly this world is for a girl and how , even though times have changed since the 1800s, ppl are still sexist in their own little way. Like, why do even my closest guy friends (with the exception of two or three) call all their girl friends "slut" or "ho"? Somehow being called a "slutty bitch" by my friend has become some weird term of endearment. It's wrong, and I live with it everyday, and I do nothing about it because I, like many others, have gotten too used to it.